Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
