She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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