I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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