god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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