I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
