I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
