I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
