I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
