Got a toothbrush?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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