guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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