omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize