I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
