i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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