i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
