i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
