I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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