I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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