i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
