Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
