You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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