She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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