Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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