you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
