He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
