Ambien. No doubt about it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
