Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He passed out mid-signature
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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