I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
