I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
