DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You are a genius and a whore.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
