Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
