Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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