i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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