You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
