Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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