dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
