Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
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I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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