he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
