sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
