I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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