When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
