Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
