i may or may not be watching the land before time
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
