I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
