So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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