And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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