He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
