farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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