Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
