my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
