you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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