Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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