Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
