I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
love makes seman taste better
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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