You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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