Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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