Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
