i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
