There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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