I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
