I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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