Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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