just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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