I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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