Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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