How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
