I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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