I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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