He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
