i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Are we in a gay sports bar?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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