last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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