i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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