Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
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U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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