Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
